Boundaries are not about other people. They are about You. They are about creating a structure and order so your energy levels and emotions are protected.
Boundaries are put into place so you don’t have to compromise yourself, and you don’t have to find yourself in situations that you don’t want to be in.
When you establish healthy boundaries with the people in your life, it makes it so much easier for you to stay in you truth, and it also teaches other people how to treat you.
When you don’t have boundaries, people are likely to walk all over you, abuse you, and treat you like a doormat. This results in you feeling drained and taken advantage of, and it can also lead to social anxieties.
Creating healthy boundaries is important in all areas of your life- the workplace, with your friends, with your family, with your children, and with your partner.
Boundaries are limits that you impose and and have consequences if they are breached. These consequences may vary depending on what boundary has been crossed, but more often than not, when you set firm boundaries in your life, most people will respect them.
If you want to create healthy boundaries in your life, here is how to begin:
Step 1: Go to the Trouble Spots
Think about areas of your life where you are feeling taken advantage of or drained. Think about where you are compromising yourself too much, or where you are constantly feeling disappointed or dissatisfied. Go through your family life, relationships, work life, and so on, and write down a few of your main trouble spots.
Step 2: Create the Boundary
Go through these points one by one and see what you can do to create more order and structure for yourself. What can you do to protect yourself and your energy in these situations? Here are a few examples of boundaries you can put in place to help get you started:
- Energetic boundaries: placing an energetic shield around yourself, smudging your aura, or wearing a protective crystal are all great ways to set up boundaries that protect your energy from negativity and other people’s emotions. In order for energetic boundaries to be effective, they need to be practiced every single day, or sometimes multiple times per day.
- Saying No: when you are clear with your own boundaries, it is easier to say no to people when they ask you to do something that crosses one of your boundaries.
- Work life boundaries: Not mixing your work life and your personal life is a healthy boundary to create. For example, if friends call you at work and this makes you feel uncomfortable, put a boundary in place and tell them you will chat to them after the working day. If your boss asks you about what you did on the weekend, and you don’t wish to share, put a boundary in place by giving a short or vague answer that you feel comfortable with.
- Boundaries with children: creating boundaries with children is also important, and allows you to also create some time out for yourself. A simple boundary like telling your children not to interrupt you when you are on the phone, or to knock before entering, are all small ways that you can establish healthy boundaries and not feel that your children are running your life.
- Relationship boundaries: creating boundaries in your relationships is key. Boundaries may include things like monogamy or simply that you need time out with your friends every Friday night. Putting boundaries into your relationships is also a great way to ensure that you don’t “lose yourself” or feel overwhelmed by the other person.
Step 3: Follow Through with Consequences
The hardest part of creating boundaries is following through with the consequences. If people in your life continue to breach your boundaries or lack respect for them, you may need to remove them from your life or lay down appropriate consequences. These consequences however, can often be expressed just through your actions.
For example, if you clearly tell your partner you don’t want to go to this event and they put your name down on the guest list anyway, you can stay true to your boundary by simply not going. If your boss continues to press or ask you personal things, you can take it up with HR or higher levels of management.
The consequence will of course depend on what has happened, but sticking to them and taking action is a great way to assert your boundaries.
Step 4: Stay Flexible
Even though having firm boundaries are important, it is also important to stay flexible and open to new ideas and new solutions. Creating too many boundaries in your life can lead to you feeling boxed in or stagnant, so try to have some fluidity and some breathing room. You will be the best judge as to how many boundaries are too many. You may even find with certain people you need more boundaries than with others. As you get better with setting boundaries in your life you will work out what is right for you.
Ultimately, creating healthy boundaries in your life is about learning to love yourself.
When you truly love and respect yourself, the boundaries you need to create come naturally and it becomes almost impossible to compromise yourself and your energy.