Unconditionally Loving – Love No Matter What
The ability to be unconditionally loving with ourselves can be elusive at times. Being unconditionally loving with ourselves means freely accepting and allowing ourselves to have the lives we want, no matter what our condition. Being conditional, however, means imposing conditions on ourselves in order to allow and feel worthy enough to have the lives we want.
We strive to be “unconditionally loving” with ourselves, yet find ourselves like a fish in water. We fool ourselves into thinking we are being unconditional only to discover that we are swimming in a sea of conditional thoughts and feelings.
The question is, “Why would we fool ourselves into thinking we are being unconditional? Think about it….
Many people hold back as a way to maintain the delusion that their lives are under control. Putting conditions on themselves is the perfect way to maintain that fantasy (as described so well by Robert Firestone in his well-respected book called, “The Fantasy Bond”.) Conditions are a way to maintain the status quo and avoid taking full responsibility for our lives.
How Do We Hold Back?
The following are some of the elusive ways we hold back using certain conditions:
Deluding ourselves that we can only be happy, free and positive under certain conditions.
Holding on to conditions from our past; as in,” If only I had made different choices back then I would be able to unconditionally love myself today.”
Holding on to future conditions; as in, “My parents had that condition so I will have that condition too.”
Holding onto present conditions by comparing ourselves; as in, “I need to compare myself with successful people so I can imitate them, or use them to decide whether or not I am worthy enough to have the life I want.”
Believing that we must be a fully unconditionally loving person as a condition on whether or not we can unconditionally love ourselves.
Needing proof that letting go of our present condition is the best thing to do before we are sure the next condition is better.
Being nice, conforming, accommodating or unimposing as conditions to be loved.
Being right as a condition that we may be holding onto after years of being tested and graded on whether or not we are able to get the right answers!
Holding on to pain, struggle and conflict as a condition to fit into the agreement field of mass consciousness.
Cultural Conditions We May Impose
We also live in a culture that has its own set conditions for being loved. The following are a few of the most common cultural conditions we might be imposing upon ourselves. “To love myself I must be…
- Successful
- Hard working
- Smart
- In service to others
- Self-sacrificing
Needless to say, being unconditional can be challenging, confusing and elusive at times.
A man once stood up at large gathering where the Dalai Lama was speaking. The man said he was having a hard time overcoming his habit of being judgmental. Being judgmental made him wonder if it would ever be possible for him to be unconditionally loving with himself or others. The Dalai Lama laughed and said, “Everyone sees the truth and it doesn’t mean we are judgmental or being conditional with our love. Seeing the truth of things is natural. Whether or not we are being judgmental or conditional is all about what we do with what we see.”
Think about it…
There is Good News on Being Unconditionally Loving
Many of us have a shared experience of having someone who assumes there is essentially something wrong with us. This leaves us feeling shamed and bad for our condition. We may also know someone who radiates the wonderful feeling of loving us, no matter what our condition.
THE GOOD NEWS IS: We can cultivate the ability to be unconditionally loving. It helps to know that the source of our lives has only love and appreciation for who we are, no matter what our condition. Nothing we can do or say will ever change the abundance of that love. We might as well forget about trying to control ourselves into the perfect condition that we think we should have to unconditionally love ourselves.
At a certain point in our evolution, we all have to face the truth. The truth that we are unconditionally loving energy beings, have been and always will be. And even if we hold back (control, manipulate, resist or rebel), sooner or later our source will have its way with us. Source will ultimately find the way to support and guide us into unconditionally loving ourselves and others.
Our mission, if we decide to take it, is to remember that the lives we want are always available to us. In each and every moment, we have the power to decide whether or not to use a condition to hold us back.
Crystal is a coach, author and facilitator of the whole being wellness event called “Freedom at the Core“. For the past 35 years, Crystal’s passion has been creating a safe, fun and nurturing space. Discover the physical, emotional and spiritual freedom that is always available.
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