Is Ego wrecking havoc with your relationships?
The Danger to Relationships Starts with Mental Chatter
Research shows that a very important influence on wellness and the quality of our lives involves the relationships we experience. Relationships with our parents, children, spouse/ partner, friends, co-workers, as well as with ourselves, are a barometer as to how well things go in our life –or not. The more imbalanced our ego energy is, the greater the chance that we manifest unhelpful and unhealthy relationships—but often, we do not know it.
The worse things go in our relationships, which a person often fails to recognize, the “louder” is ego’s voice in our being. For those with higher ego power, the control of others is at the center of their relationships. They enjoy controlling the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of others, particularly those closest to them while resisting any influence from others.
Difficulty Balancing Ego for More Positive Relationships
Frequently, they use manipulation, exploitation, and abuse, physical or psychological, to establish this control. Their needs come first, and they bring self-absorption and narcissism into their relationships, which is destructive to the relationship.
The following is an excerpt from The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life, in which the impact of ego’s voice and higher ego power on relationships is presented. It contains the ego voice…so readers do understand it more as what thoughts run through the mind of a person struggling with ego dominance.
Through your power, I am helping you to dominate, control, or know more than others. You are to believe that listening to others is not necessary; that listening to others, thinking what they think, or doing what they do would be weakness, an experience that is foreign to you. Others cannot really know more than you do. Your way is right and doesn’t need to be challenged or changed—their does. Changing yourself would be foolishness and a sign of weakness. You can mistreat people when necessary, know that you are better than them, underestimate them where needed, insist on doing things the best or right way – which is your way – and be overly confident.
You must stay independent from those who are closest to you, be they your spouse or partner, children, siblings, or parents. They cannot know as much as you do or influence you; that would be weakness. You must not communicate, compromise, or show compassion since that would signal weakness to them. You need to do most of the thinking in the relationships with the people who are closest to you, so everyone can be protected by your wisdom. I help you to insist on your partner becoming as much like you as possible in his or her approach to things, so your partner can be a better person—you.
You are to love yourself more than anyone else, someone others can love even more than they love themselves, and someone who is more important than everyone else. Recognize that all criticism of you is destructive, only intended to weaken you. You must know that you are entitled to and deserve all the love that others can give to you, love that you can use to further empower yourself.
Two Voices within Struggle for Dominance
If this content resonates, I encourage additional reading to see if you are living any of the roles we discuss that may link to higher ego power energy (Dictator, Rebel, Narcissist, Ultra-Competitor, Control Freak, Exploiter, Independent, or Bully). When we live these roles some or most of the time, we can be most destructive to others and ultimately ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring their higher ego power into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 6 and 12) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7).
by Nickolas Martin
Dr. Nickolas Martin is a licensed psychologist who has worked in clinical, university, public school, and private practice settings as a therapist, diagnostician, educator and consultant for 35 years. He authored Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self and co-authored with Rev. Linda M. Martin, EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self and The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life. Connect with him at: egoandspirit.info; facebook.com/egoandspirit